A little lost

I am not expecting a response to this, and I am not writing it for self pity. I am lost. It is hard for me to admit this because even in tough times life always finds a way, I always find a way.

This is different, I am 31 (not that age has anything to do with this) and I will probably not have my teaching contract renewed next year. So the question is…what am I qualified to do? I did not attend university until I was 25 because of ill health. From 15 to 25 I was house bound for large chunks of time because of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, I did not get my first job until I was 29… so I have little experience in the workplace and I fear that employers won’t even look at my CV/application. I am sure that a lot of this is unnecessary anxiety I am putting on myself, but it does concern me so therefore is important.

We put these ideals on ourselves and I am very guilty of doing this to myself. I want to do well in my life. I would like a good job, which every July/August I am not wondering if my contract will be renewed, or having been told in April – probably we won’t want you back.  Supported in the workplace? I don’t think so – maybe it would be best if my contract wasn’t renewed.

I always try my best, even when I have no energy I always give my best.

So, I am lost. What will I do? I honestly don’t know, but I am going to enjoy finishing my Masters this September. Until then, I need to keep on going even if its baby steps until I find my path again.

Thank you for listening, I appreciate it.


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